


Trouble in Paradise

by Night_Witch_The_Third



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Aggressive kissing, Angry Kissing, Awkward Kissing, Awkward Romance, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Break Up, Clyde is an idiot, Dating, Jealousy, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Relationship(s), Revenge, Revenge Sex, Secret Crush, Spoilers, Stupidity, Threesome, this was a terrible idea
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-09
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-03-02 13:39:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13319319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Night_Witch_The_Third/pseuds/Night_Witch_The_Third
Summary: When Craig and Tweek have a horrible break up, Clyde takes it upon himself to try and fix it. But he gets more than he bargained for when he ends up somehow not only dating both of them at the same time, but also falling in love with them. And Tweek and Craig look like neither of them are willing to forgive easily.





	1. We Didn't Start the Fire

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sir_Weston](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sir_Weston/gifts).



> This is a story my sister actually thought of but didn’t want to write herself for whatever reason, so I decided to write it instead. This one might end up a bit serious at points, but let’s face it, it’s mostly going to just be really goofy. So, have fun with that.  
> Just so you know, this is all going to be in first-person point of view, switching between Clyde and Token because I am really obsessed with the first-person point of view. I don’t know why.

Clyde’s POV

I didn’t realize having a gay best friend would make me feel so weird. I tried hard not to, but when Craig started dating Tweek, I would sometimes lay awake at night and wonder. Wonder if he ever had the hots for me, that sort of thing. I felt bad for thinking it, but I know I started to feel a little bit more awkward around Craig from then on. Thankfully, he never seemed to notice. Neither did Tweek. And you know what? I didn’t really have to worry. Craig might have claimed that he wasn’t really gay, but I saw the look he got whenever he talked about Tweek. The two of them were totally in love. It was actually really adorable about how in love with each other they were. I didn’t have to worry about a thing.  
At least, until we came back from winter break in our junior year of high school, that is. I have no idea what happened, and even now both of them refuse to tell me the details, but Craig and Tweek had a fight. A huge one. A relationship shattering, “I never want to see for as long as I live” sort of fight. The sort of fight that, in the wrong hands, could be used to power an atom bomb with the sort of fiery hatred the two of them had for each other. And Token, Jimmy and I were somehow caught in the middle of this war.  
I remember when I got to school the first day after break, I noticed Craig looking rather pissed off about something. Token and Jimmy were standing with him, looking worried, but I couldn’t see hide nor hair of Tweek. Curious, I went over to them.  
“Hey dudes,” I greeted them, trying to sound friendly. “What’s up?”  
“You know what, Clyde?” Craig snarled at me, making me pull back in surprise. “Why don’t you take that stupid attitude of yours and shove it!” Then he stormed off in a rage. I gaped in shock after him for a long moment.  
“What the hell was that about?” I wondered. “Was it something I said?”  
“Tweek and Craig had a f-f-fight,” Jimmy informed me. “They broke up over bre… They broke up over bre-They broke up over break.” Token nodded solemnly beside him.  
“Apparently it didn’t end well and Craig’s still kind of mad about it,” Token added.  
“What were they fighting about?” I wondered.  
“I don’t know, neither of them will say,” Token told me with a sigh. “But if I were you, I’d just give them both some space for now. They’re clearly still hurting.”  
I was barely listening, however. I felt as Craig’s best friend it should be my duty to try and cheer him up. But something told me that I would just make things worse if I tried to find him right now. It was probably the look that Token was giving me that told me that.  
“How’s Tweek been doing?” I wondered, looking around as if he might just magically appear.  
“I don’t know, we haven’t really seen him,” Token told me, cocking an eyebrow.  
Maybe I could talk some sense into him. Tweek was never that reasonable, especially when he was emotional, but for some reason I had the desire to fix this as quickly as possible. Plus, I’m sure he needed a shoulder to cry on.  
“Okay, I’ll see you guys later then,” I said to Token and Jimmy. I noticed, as I turned to walk away, that Token had his mouth open and was staring at me in shock, and it occurred to me later that I had probably just walked away while he was talking to me, but at the time I didn’t really care.  
Tweek was angrily shoving everything he owned into his locker and trying to slam it shut, not even bothering to take out his books or anything. He was muttering angrily under his breath, and didn’t seem to notice as I approached him.  
“Hey Tweek,” I greeted gently, not wanting to startle him. It didn’t work. He spun around and leaned against his locker, grabbing his chest and giving me a panicked look. Then he frowned when he saw that it was just me.  
“What do you want, Clyde?” he asked, turning back to his locker.  
“I heard about you and Craig,” I told him. “I’m sorry that happened. And I just wanted you to know that even though the two of you broke up, you’ve still got a friend in me.”  
“I don’t need your sympathy,” Tweek growled at me, finally managing to close his locker despite the fact that the straps of his backpack were still sticking out. Feeling a bit hurt by this, I hung my head and started to walk away. “Wait, Clyde!” he said quickly, putting a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry I snapped. I’m just still so angry at Craig. I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” I gave him a reassuring smile.  
“It’s ok,” I told him. “If you ever want to talk about it, I’m here for you, man.”  
He looked around nervously for a moment, as if he were afraid that someone would overhear our not very scandalous conversation before turning back to me.  
“Actually, could you meet me after school?” he asked. “I haven’t told my parents yet that Craig and I broke up, but I can’t do it alone. I think would give me a confidence boost if you were there with me.”  
“Sure, buddy,” I replied, trying ignore the strange, sinking feeling I suddenly got in my gut. “I’ll come meet you at your locker then.”  
He muttered a quick and shy “Thanks,” before quickly shuffling off to homeroom. I let out a sigh and started towards my own locker. Maybe if Tweek hadn’t told his parents yet, the two of them weren’t as broken up as I first thought. I didn’t know why I cared so much about them staying together. If anything, I should be at Craig’s side, agreeing with every horrible thing he had to say about Tweek right now. But here I was, going behind his back and trying to comfort his ex-boyfriend. I didn’t know what kind of friend that made me, but I didn’t really want to find out.  
Maybe I could resolve this conflict quickly and then I wouldn’t have to feel this weird. One could only hope that their problem was easy enough to fix. I shuddered to think what would happen if we were all forced to pick sides.  
With a sigh, all I could do now was slug through classes and wait for this nightmare to start so that it could be over faster.


	2. Coffee and Tears

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m glad for all of the investment in this story so far. So, without further delay, I bring you another chapter. This chapter, we’re going to see what Tweek’s parents think of the entire thing, and then we’ll hopefully see more interaction between Clyde and his two heartbroken friends.

Tweek was waiting nervously by his locker when school was finally over, right where I told him to wait. He gave a start when I came over to him, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the sight. I didn’t know what it was about him or what he thought about that made him so nervous all the time, but I found it kind of adorable.  
“I didn’t think you were going to show up,” Tweek confessed in a soft voice. “I was getting nervous that I was going to have to confront my parents alone.”  
“What are you talking about?” I asked. “School only got out two minutes ago.”  
“Yeah!” he replied. “I was getting nervous!”  
I rolled my eyes with a sigh and took his arm, starting to lead him down the hall. I couldn’t help but smile at his nervousness as we made our way out the door and down the street. We walked silently for a while, with Tweek twitching occasionally.  
“Are your parents working today?” I asked him after a moment. He gave me a weak smile.  
“Yeah,” he replied. “That’s pretty much all they do these days is just work. So, I pretty much have the house all to myself, and Craig and I…”  
He trailed off and looked away from me, unable to finish the sentence. I could guess what he was about to say anyways, but I couldn’t help but let out a silent sigh. If he couldn’t even finish a sentence about Craig, then the fight they had must have been worse than I initially thought.  
We walked on in silence for a while, and we were saved from having to continue making awkward small talk by the fact that we came upon the coffee shop that Tweek’s dad owned. It hadn’t changed at all in the years I’ve known Tweek. I knew he hated having to help his parents with the shop, because he didn’t like to interact with people he didn’t know. I also had a feeling that being surrounded by coffee and being unable to drink any of it killed him inside.  
Tweek’s parents were pretty much the same as well. Totally calm and speaking in soothing voices all the time before his dad would suddenly just start rambling about something coffee related. Neither of them really looked up as we entered the shop, almost as if they had been expecting us or something.  
“Oh, there you are Tweek,” Mr. Tweak said in his usual soft tone. “Did you have a nice day at school?”  
“It was ok,” Tweek replied with a mumble. “It was just the day after break is over. Nothing special.”  
“Hello, Clyde, it’s nice to see you,” Tweek’s mother said, nearly startling me. “I’m surprised to see you here.”  
“Oh, well, you know,” I replied, not really sure how to end that sentence. She looked past us, then settled her eyes on her son.  
“Where’s Craig, dear?” she asked him. “I haven’t seen him in a while and it seems like you two were always together.”  
Tweek stiffened beside me and looked down at the ground, mumbling something incomprehensible. I scooched closer to him and carefully took his hand in my own. He gave me a small smile then turned to his parents, who were looking at him curiously.  
“Yeah, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you guys,” Tweek muttered. “Craig’s probably won’t be coming around anymore.”  
Tweek’s mom cocked her head to the side in confusion, while his dad’s eyes widened. “Why?” his dad asked. “Did something happen?”  
“Well, Craig and I had a huge fight,” Tweek stuttered. He was really making too big of a deal out of this. It wasn’t like his parents could really care that much, could it? “And, you see…Craig and I broke up over the break.”  
“WHAT!?!” Mr. Tweak cried out. Before I could even blink, he burst into tears and ran from the room, his calm demeanor immediately shattered. Mrs. Tweak and their son didn’t even react to his outburst, while couldn’t help but just stare in shock.  
“Well, that’s too bad, dear,” Mrs. Tweak said as if that reaction had been as totally normal as being told that someone was going to be five minutes late. “It’s a shame things didn’t work out between you two.”  
“Thanks, mom,” Tweek said, rolling his eyes. I got the feeling that this wasn’t the first time he had heard the “too bad things didn’t work out” thing this week. “It wasn’t that serious,” he muttered. “It’s not like the world is ending.”  
His mom just gave him a comforting smile, not having heard the last bit. “Do you want us to close up shop early tonight?” she asked her son.  
“No, it’s fine,” Tweek replied. His mother cocked an eyebrow at him. “I’m fine! Really! Clyde and I were just going to get dinner together anyways, so I’m fine.”  
I had to stop myself from blurting out “We are?” because I strangely don’t remember that discussion, and was confused as to whether Tweek really believed this or not. I had planned on just immediately leaving after this to go take a nap at home, but if Tweek really wanted me to come with him, I guess I could change my plans.  
“I don’t really remember us talking about going to dinner together,” I confessed when we finally left the coffee shop five minutes later.  
“GAH! That’s because we didn’t,” Tweek confessed, taking a sip from the giant cup of coffee he had ordered. “I just came up with an excuse because I didn’t want to stay at home with my mom constantly telling me that there are plenty of fish in the sea and my dad crying in the corner.”  
I still had no idea what was up with Mr. Tweak freaking out like that, but I had other things to worry about. “Well, did you want to have dinner with me anyways?” I asked. “I mean, I have no other plans, and it sounds like you have no plans either, so might as well, right?”  
Tweek twitched nervously for a few moments, thinking it over. “Fine,” he relented. “Just as long as we don’t go to that Raisins place. The waitresses there scare me.”  
I pulled a quick pouty face because that was exactly the place I was going to suggest, but didn’t say so out loud. Instead, I let Tweek pick where we would go. That was a bad idea. He went back and forth so many times that it wasn’t until half an hour later when he finally made up his mind enough for me to take him by the arm and drag him towards the place he named before he could change his mind again.  
I had the strong urge to ask him if Craig ever had this much trouble with him, but I didn’t fancy the thought of being punched in the face by a small, twitchy blonde.  
I was a little (and by a little, I mean a lot) surprised by Tweek’s choice of where to eat. The restaurant was super fancy with candles on the table and low lighting. Sure, it wasn’t too bad, I could see some of our classmates scattered around with their parents, but it was still unnerving to be here with Tweek.  
“Um, Tweek?” I asked, looking around. “This place looks kind of… expensive. Why’d you pick here of all places?”  
Tweek blushed. “Oh, I forgot I kind of came here with Craig all the time,” he muttered, not looking at me. “I’m sorry. We could go somewhere else, if you want.”  
“No, it’s fine!” I said hastily. “Just don’t expect me to order anything too expensive.”  
We were shown to a small table and a waiter came by to take our drink order. We didn’t speak for a while as we looked over the menu, trying to decide what we wanted. I was glad to see that there was nothing too expensive on the menu. Apparently, this was one of those restaurants that looked fancy, but wasn’t really.  
I looked up at Tweek, deciding to engage him in conversation, when something caught my eye over his shoulder. With a start, I saw Craig and Token near the entrance, obviously having just got here. I grew nervous as Token suddenly caught my eye and a similar look of panic spread over his face. He turned and started speaking frantically to Craig, and although we were too far away to make out what they were saying, I could tell that he was trying to keep him from looking over in our direction.  
I was about to do the same (try and distract Tweek from turning around), but at that moment, he looked up from his menu and caught me staring over his shoulder. Before I could do anything, he turned around, a confused look on his face. I can only imagine that the look was replaced by one of anger, because I heard him suddenly mutter, “Son of a Bitch!”  
Unfortunately, Token also completely failed in his task to keep Craig from spotting us, and I saw him flinch as Craig just suddenly turned around, and his eyes rested on Tweek. His frown deepened as he started making his way over to us.  
“Craig, wait!” Token pleaded, rushing after him, but it was no use. Tweek angrily pushed out of his chair and glared at his ex-boyfriend.  
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Craig hissed when he finally reached us. He wasn’t slowed down in the slightest by Token tugging on his arm.  
“What are you doing here?” Tweek snarled at him. “I was here first you know!”  
“Oh, don’t give me that crap,” Craig growled. “And what are you doing here with Clyde? Well, it didn’t take you too long to find someone else now, did it?”  
“Craig,” I started to say, but I was drowned out by Tweek.  
“Well, I could say the same to you, asshole!” he spat. “So, what? Are you going out with Token now? Are you just here to rub it in my face?”  
“Tweek, that’s not…” I said, trying to calm him down, but once again, I was ignored.  
“Oh sure, trying to make me look the bad guy again, huh?” Craig snapped. “You always make me look like the bad guy! Well, guess what, Tweek? I’m not the bad guy here! You obviously brought Clyde here just to rub it in my face how much better you’re doing!”  
“I am not, ass wipe!” Tweek said, his eyes blazing with anger.  
“Cry baby!”  
“Killjoy!”  
“That’s enough!” Token said suddenly, stepping in between them. “There’s no need for this! No one’s going out with anyone! Right, Clyde?” I started a bit from suddenly being addressed.  
“Um, yeah,” I agreed, coming over to stand next to Token. “Tweek and I were just hanging out! You guys don’t have to fight about it.”  
The look of pure anger Craig shot me almost made me hide behind Token in fear, but I managed to hold my ground. He was probably thinking that Tweek had stolen his best friend from him anyways, but I couldn’t speak to tell him that it wasn’t true. He held me in his angry gaze for a long while, breathing heavily, before he suddenly turned his back on us.  
“Come on, Token,” he growled, starting to march back towards the door. “Let’s leave these traitors to plot in peace.”  
Token gave us an apologetic look before turning and quickly following Craig. When I turned to Tweek, I was shocked by the look of absolute outrage on his face.  
“You can’t storm out of here before I do!” he screamed after Craig’s retreating figure. Before I could speak or protest, Tweek snatched my arm and quickly and angrily yanked me forward, dragging me towards the door. He shoved past Craig as I tried to protest that we hadn’t even eaten yet, and the last thing I saw was the shock in Craig’s eyes before I was pulled through the restaurant doors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to end this chapter here, because I really can’t think of anything else to add to this chapter. Hopefully the chapters will start getting longer from here on out. I’m also hoping to have Clyde come up with his first convoluted scheme to get those two back together soon. Anyways, tell me what to think and I’ll hopefully have the next chapter up soon.


	3. Awkward!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m back in college again, so I don’t know how often I’ll be able to update this, especially since I’m also working on so many other stories at the same time, as well as a novel I’ve been typing up for years now. Hopefully, I’ll be able to be to update in a timely manner, but don’t be bugging me about it.

Clyde’s POV

I’ll be honest, I really have no idea why Craig didn’t immediately follow us outside and pummel me to death. I mean, I was supposed to be his best friend and I was hanging out with his ex-boyfriend. I was still hurt by Craig calling me a traitor right before we left. Was that what I was? A traitor? I sort of felt like it.  
“It’s ok, Clyde,” Tweek said suddenly, nearly making me jump out of my skin. “You don’t have to hang out with me if it makes you feel bad or if it’s ruining your friendship with Craig.”  
I immediately felt guilty again as I turned to him. Most of Tweek’s friends were friends with Craig as well. What were we supposed to do, all pick sides? Most of us were friends with Craig first, and I had a feeling that if it came to that, Tweek would be left all alone.  
“No, it’s fine,” I told him eventually. “I’m still allowed to be friends with both of you. Craig can just get over the fact that I like spending time with you as well.”  
Tweek looked completely doubtful, but he didn’t press the issue.  
“Well, I don’t think you’re a traitor,” he told me, trying to smile comfortingly. I couldn’t help but grin back at him.  
“Thanks, Tweek,” I replied. It was going to be a rather awkward school day tomorrow, I could be sure of that. I really didn’t want to think about that.

The first thing I did the next day was try and find Craig to apologize. I wasn’t sure what exactly to apologize for, but if I was going to fix this mess, apologizing first never hurt things. Thankfully, he seemed a lot calmer despite what happened yesterday, and if he didn’t wear only three expressions (angry, bored, and slightly amused), I would almost think that he was actually happy to see me.  
“Hey Craig,” I greeted hesitantly, hoping that the slightly amused look on his face wasn’t a ruse. “I wanted to apologize for yesterday.”  
“What for?” he asked, cocking his head slightly. “It’s not your fault that Tweek seduced you into still being friends with him. I was just annoyed at seeing you two together and I jumped to conclusions. As long as you’re still my best friend, I forgive you.”  
I couldn’t help but let out a sigh. Partly out of relief that I wasn’t being strangled to death, partly because I knew it was Token who put most of those words in his mouth, and partly because I was annoyed that Craig was trying to blame Tweek for everything. Was he always unreasonable and I just never noticed? I could have sworn that Craig was more rational than that.  
Not that I was going to say any of this out loud. The last thing I needed was Craig getting angry at me anyways. So instead I muttered a quick “thanks” then asked him if he wanted to hang out after school, to which he replied with his usual noncommittal “whatever.” Then we went off to class.  
Thankfully, I still had most of my classes with my friends, but unfortunately, that also meant that Tweek and Craig were in the same classes together, and they would not stop glaring at each other. I usually sat in the back of the class, so I noticed when they cast angry glares at each other. What I didn’t notice was that Token was sitting next to me until he tapped me on the shoulder, making me jump with surprise.  
“What?” I asked in a low voice, grabbing my chest.  
“What did Tweek say after you guys left yesterday?” Token asked me in an equally low voice. I blinked at him for a moment, trying to recall.  
“Not much,” I replied after a moment of thinking it over. “Why?”  
“I was just thinking,” Token told me. “Craig wouldn’t shut up about Tweek for the rest of night. It’s really obvious he’s still into him.”  
“Yeah, it’s kind of the same with Tweek,” I confessed. “He’ll start to say something connected to Craig and then just stop himself. But then he took me to that restaurant that apparently they used to go to all the time.”  
Token sighed and shook his head. “I don’t know who they think they’re kidding,” he muttered. “They’re still so obviously still in love with each other. They’re just both too stubborn to admit it.”  
I glanced towards the front of the class, ignoring the teacher (who was writing on the chalkboard a long, complicated algorithm all the “scientific” reasons why all men are evil, despite this being an English class), and looking over from Tweek to Craig and back again. I didn’t know why, but I decided to make it my mission to get the two back together no matter what.  
It must have shown on my face, because Token let out a sigh and rolled his eyes. “Clyde, I know that look,” he said, frowning. “That’s the same look you always get right before you do something incredibly stupid.”  
I glared at him in return. “I don’t do incredibly stupid things,” I growled at him. “I only do averagely stupid things. And I was just thinking that we should try and get those two back together.”  
He blinked in surprise at me. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” he wondered. “I really think it would be better if we just let them sort this out on their own. We really shouldn’t push it, you know.”  
I have this weird thing that happens whenever I have an idea form in my head and my friends try to impart logic and wisdom into me. I tend to just drown them out. So, when Token was trying to talk me out of my crazy scheme, I wasn’t paying attention to a single word he said. In my mind, he was saying that this was a great idea. I wish I didn’t do that so much. It would have saved me so much heartache and this story of mine would have been so much shorter.  
“…And you’re not paying attention to anything I’m telling you, are you?” Token finished his (what I assumed to be) long rant. I stared blankly back at him for a moment, causing him to sigh. “Yeah, I thought so,” he muttered under his breath. “Just don’t get yourself into too much trouble, Clyde. It would suck if you died right before getting out of high school.”  
I blinked in confusion. “What are you talking about, Token?” I asked. “You said you’re going to help me think of a plan.”  
“I didn’t even remotely say anything like that,” Token snapped, glancing at the teacher to make sure she wasn’t about to give us detention (she was now rambling on about how there was no color on the subatomic plane for some reason).  
“Come on, Token, I can’t do this without you!” I begged, giving him giant, puppy dog eyes. He let out a long, defeated sigh in response.  
“I just can’t say no to that face,” he muttered under his breath, folding his arms as I gave him a stupid grin. We then finally turned back to pay attention to the teacher (despite the fact that she was now drawing a diagram of the solar system), and the wheels in my head began turning.

Normally I would be annoyed when Craig got detention, because we couldn’t hang out when that happened. But when he got detention that day by flipping off every single one of his teachers, it meant that I had a chance to plot with Token without feeling guilty about potentially blowing him off. So, I was kind of relieved when I heard the news.  
Token brought me to his house after school and we immediately went up to his room. For some reason, Token was always nervous about his friends being in his room. I don’t know why. He had the coolest room anyone could ever want. His room had everything you could want in a bedroom, including a basketball hoop over the door, a giant flat screen TV, and a trampoline in the floor that let him literally jump into bed.  
He looked embarrassed as we came in and I sat down in one of the bean bag chairs he had, almost immediately getting swallowed by it. Token, meanwhile, had gone over to his mini fridge and pulled out two cans of soda, tossing one over to me.  
“Ok, so what’s the stupid plan you’ve already come up with?” he asked me, pulling up another bean bag chair next to me. I glared at him.  
“I don’t have any stupid plans,” I growled. “I need your help getting Craig and Tweek back together. I’m open to suggestions, you know.”  
“I still think we should just let them sort things out by themselves,” Token grumbled. “We should really just give them some space. If anything, we’re just going to make things worse by meddling in their business.”  
“You complain too much,” I scoffed, trying to get comfortable. He rolled his eyes in reply. “I’m surprised with how jealous those two got when they saw each other the other day.”  
“I know what you mean,” Token sighed, leaning back into his chair. “It’s like they were looking for any excuse to argue with each other. I can’t believe we got out of that restaurant unscathed, to be honest.”  
I looked down at the ground, thinking it over. Was there a way that we could use last night to make Tweek and Craig realize they were still meant for each other. What usually happened in anything that had a romance plot? The two characters would get together with their ex when they started dating someone else? Because they got jealous or something?  
“Wait, I think I have an idea, Token!” I said suddenly, sitting up.  
“I know,” Token sighed, rolling his eyes. “You’re making the face again.”  
“We have to show them that they still love each other,” I said, ignoring him. “And how is the best way to do that? If there’s anything any sitcom has taught me, it’s the that one thing to get two people back together is jealousy.”  
“Oh boy, here we go,” my friend groaned as I stood up and began pacing.  
“I think we need Craig and Tweek to start dating again,” I mused. “If they see each other dating someone else, they’ll immediately realize their mistakes and run back to each other!”  
“Clyde, when has an idea like that ever worked?” Token growled, running a hand over his face. “There are way too many things that could go wrong! They could just get angrier at each other, or whoever’s dating them might not want to let them go. Oh, and there’s the fact that they might not get jealous in the first place and you stopped listening to me a long time ago, didn’t you?”  
At least, I’m pretty sure that’s what he said, but I wasn’t really paying attention anymore. I had stopped listening after his “you’re making that face again,” comment. I was too absorbed in my idea. I knew this had to work. And I knew I couldn’t get any girl or guy to go out with two of my closest friends. It had to be someone that would make them jealous and talk sense into them at the same time. And, unfortunately, I knew of only person who could do it. And, unfortunately, that person was me.  
If I had any hope of bringing them back together, I was going to have to try and date Tweek and Craig.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand I’m just going to end it on that terrible logic. Oh Clyde, stop trying to think so much. You should just let Token come up with the ideas. I don’t know where he thought of this crazy idea, but we’ll see where this goes (as if the description for this story didn’t give it away).  
> Anyways, I don’t know when I’ll be updating again for any of my stories, because as stated before, I’m back at school now and have like, stuff to do. But hopefully I’ll be able to update on the weekends and Mondays (since I’ve managed to not have any classes on Mondays). But in the meantime, remember, it’s just a theory! A game the-oh wait, that’s something else entirely, isn’t it…?


	4. It's Not a Date!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, my biggest challenge for this chapter will be trying to get it to look somewhat natural. I have no idea why Clyde would think this plan would work, but this was originally my sister’s idea, so yeah. Anyway, what will Token think of this plan? And how will Craig and Tweek take it? Well, why don’t you read the chapter and find out, you lazy monkeys? (Love you!)

Clyde’s POV

Token had the weirdest look on his face when I told him my plan. It looked like a cross between annoyance, confusion, and disappointment. Or sorrow. It was kind of hard to tell what that look was, or what to call it. Either way, I could tell he wasn’t even sort of on board with my idea. He let out a long sigh after I explained it to him.  
“Well, I could tell you every single thing wrong with your plan,” he sighed. “But I know you wouldn’t listen, so I’m just going to boil it down to one thing. You’re an idiot.”  
I rolled my eyes at him. “Come on, Token,” I argued. “It won’t be for long. And I don’t have to actually date either of them. I just have to hang around them a lot and they’ll come to their own conclusions. Besides, this will eliminate factors that could go wrong or something.”  
“Why is this such a big deal for you?” Token wondered with another sigh.  
“Why isn’t this a bigger deal for you?” I retorted. “They’re our friends, we should be helping them. And besides, they’re going to drag us into their fight anyways, so we should at least try and get them to stop fighting at least.”  
“You’re not going to get them to stop fighting, you’re going to make it worse,” Token muttered angrily. I glared at him.  
“No, I’m going to get them to make up,” I argued. “If I can see them both every day, I can gauge the situation and see how bad everything really is. Then we can come up with a better solution.”  
“Can’t you at least let me do it?” Token begged. “I have way more tact than you do, and I know how to get information out of people.”  
“What about Nichole?” I asked him. He froze for a moment before looking away.  
“What about Nichole?” he repeated in a sort of grumble.  
“I think she’d be pretty mad if you suddenly started spending less time with her and focused all your attention on your gay friends,” I pointed out. “She might get the wrong idea.”  
For some reason, Token seemed extremely at war with himself at this statement. It looked like he wanted to say something, but couldn’t bring himself to do it. He kept opening and closing his mouth, his head rocking from side to side. I felt concern start to rise in me.  
“What’s wrong?” I wondered. “Did something happen between you and Nichole?”  
“Well, no,” Token admitted after a moment. “But I was actually kind of thinking of breaking up with her soon.” I stared in shock at him.  
“What? Why?”  
“I mean…No real reason,” Token muttered, rubbing his arm awkwardly. “We’ve just been, um, drifting apart and such. We’re just not right for each other. That’s all.” He refused to look me in the eye as he spoke, and I wasn’t sure why. I knew there was something he wasn’t telling me, but for the moment, I decided not to push it.  
“My mind’s made up, Token,” I told him. “And I’m sorry, but you can’t do it instead. Even if you’re going to break up with Nichole, no one knows that. Someone would get suspicious.” Token grumbled under his breath something that I couldn’t hear.  
“I still think this is a bad idea,” he said after a moment.  
“Well, do you have any better ideas?” I countered.  
“I would if you gave me a moment,” Token responded. I rolled my eyes.  
“We’re doing my plan,” I told him firmly. “Nothing’s going to go wrong, I promise.”  
I really wish I could have kept that promise. Or had just waited for Token to come up with a plan. But I had a terrible habit of not thinking that far ahead. I was kind of arrogant sometimes, I’ll admit that.  
I kept telling myself that I wasn’t dating either of my friends, we were just hanging out one-on-one. It totally wouldn’t be weird if I was just hanging out with Tweek or Craig. I didn’t know if I could date either of them. It was already weird enough when they were dating each other. But I like to think I had finally gotten past that.  
The next day, after school, I went to find Craig. I really figured I should talk to him first, since he was my best friend and all. Thankfully, he looked a lot calmer than he had the past few days, talking to Jimmy while shoving things into his locker.  
“Hey Craig, hey Jimmy,” I greeted them. “What are you guys up to tonight?”  
“I have a d-d-d-debate team m-m-meeting tonight,” Jimmy explained. “We have a b- we have a bi- we have a big case coming up.”  
I always found it kind of funny that Jimmy wanted to join the debate team of all things. I mean, it involved a lot of talking, and let’s face it, it wasn’t Jimmy’s strong suit. I always meant to go to one of his events, but I found debates and court rooms so incredibly boring that I didn’t have the motivation to go.  
“I’ve got absolutely nothing planned,” Craig nonchalantly. Bingo.  
“You want to go see a movie with me tonight?” I asked him quickly. He cocked his head.  
“You mean like a date?” he wondered. I couldn’t help but blink in surprise.  
“What? No!” I replied. “You can go out with people and not have it be a date, you know.” He took a moment to think about it.  
“Oh yeah,” he muttered. “I haven’t been single for such a long time. I kind of forgot you can hang out with other people.”  
“So, movie?” I repeated, repressing the urge to roll my eyes. He shrugged.  
“Yeah, sure, why not?” he replied.  
“Awesome,” I replied with a grin. Before I could turn and go to my own locker, however, Jimmy suddenly spoke up.  
“Hey Clyde, can I t-t-t-talk to you for a minute?” he asked me.  
“Sure, dude,” I replied. We said a quick farewell to Craig and started off down the hall. I kept my steps slow and deliberate to keep pace with Jimmy as he waddled forward on his crutches. “So, what’s up?”  
“T-T-Token told me your plan to get Tweek and Craig back together,” Jimmy told me. “I w-w-w-wouldn’t recommend it.”  
No surprise there. “Oh, come on, Jimmy,” I sighed. “Not you too! I know what I’m doing. You guys don’t have to worry about it, you know.”  
“R-r-r-really?” Jimmy asked. “Because I’ve already c-c-come up with at least t- at least t- at least two better ideas than this.”  
“Glad you agree with me!” I said, not even sort of listening. I’m sure if he could, Jimmy would have rolled his eyes at me.  
Now all I had to do was get Tweek on board. And hopefully he wouldn’t think it strange that I was asking him to go to the movies with me. Or think it was a date.

“You want me to go to the movies with you tomorrow?” Tweek wondered, looking at me in confusion. “You mean like a date?” I couldn’t help but let out a sigh of annoyance.  
“It’s not a date,” I sighed. “I know you Craig were gay, but you can hang out with other guys and not have it be a date, you know.”  
Tweek looked at me like he had no idea what I was talking about, but he nodded anyway.  
“Ok, just as long as it’s not a scary movie,” he replied. “Or a romance movie. Those usually have sex scenes in them and I can’t handle stuff like that.”  
“Well, the new Avengers movie is out,” I told him. “I was thinking we could go see that.”  
“Wouldn’t you rather see that movie with Craig?” he asked me. I almost blurted out that I was going to see that movie with Craig today, but I managed to hold myself back.  
“Nah,” I said instead. “I’d rather see it with you.”  
For some reason, Tweek blushed at my words.  
“Um, ok,” he mumbled. “See you tomorrow then.”  
I watched him walk away before turning to go find Craig, and was startled to find Token standing right behind me, staring disapprovingly. I nearly had a heart attack at the sight of him.  
“What the hell, Token?” I growled, clutching my chest. “You can’t just sneak up on me like that! You almost gave me a stroke!”  
“I can’t believe you’re actually going through with this,” Token sighed, still giving me his disapproving look. “I guarantee you it’s only going to end in pain.”  
“It’s fine, Token,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I know you’re worried, but you and Jimmy have nothing to fear. I know what I’m doing! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to be late.”  
“Oh right, your date with Craig,” Token muttered as I started to walk away. I stumbled and turned to glare at him.  
“God damn it,” I snapped. “It’s not a date!”  
“If you say so, Clyde,” Token sighed. “If you say so.” Then he turned and left before I could reply. I glared after him. Did he always have to get the last word?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m going to end this chapter here, because I think they’re “not dates” would be better explored in the next chapter instead of being tacked on at the end of this one. Also, it’s been a while since I updated this fan fiction and I didn’t want to leave you guys hanging.  
> I have a couple of huge twists planned for this story, so that’s going to be exciting to look forward to. Stay lovely, my dear readers and just remember, the cake is a lie.


	5. Like a Wrecking Ball

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how are Clyde’s “not dates” with Tweek and Craig gonna go? I don’t know, why don’t you read the chapter and find out?  
> Also, I apologize that it’s taking longer to post new chapters for all of my stories. I’m working this summer, and I have a lot of stories to get through. Getting kind of stressed out with everything, but I’ll survive. Anyway, new chapter.

Craig was casually leaning against his locker waiting for me when I approached him. He looked half-asleep for some reason and he barely looked up when I greeted him.  
“My last class was so boring,” he said to answer the question that I didn’t ask.  
“So, you ready to go see the movie?” I asked him.  
“You know, most dates usually are at night,” he replied and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at him.  
“I told you, it’s not a date,” I growled at him.  
“If you say so,” he said, shrugging nonchalantly. I let out an annoyed sigh and led the way out of the building. We started walking down the street in silence, which I decided to break.  
“What was your last class?” asked him.  
“Chemistry,” Craig groaned. “My teacher just reads from the text book with this really low, boring drawl to his voice. It’s a nightmare.”  
“I’m lucky,” I replied. “My last class is study hall, so I get to just laze around and goof off for the last half hour of school.” Craig grumbled something incomprehensible and didn’t reply. Our last class was pretty much the only class we didn’t have together, so I was lucky enough to see my best friend for most of the day.  
I had considered asking Craig if he wanted to get dinner before the movie, but I didn’t need to make him continue to think this was any more date-like than it already was. So instead, I led the way down the street towards the movie theatre. It was surprisingly not crowded when we got there, and at first, I thought we would have free reign of the place. But then we got inside, and it was filled with kids from class and adult comic book nerds.  
“Looks like everyone else had the same idea as us,” Craig said nonchalantly.  
I pressed closer to his side and didn’t say anything. I never really liked crowds. They made me uncomfortable for some reason. I just hoped that it wouldn’t this crowded when I came here with Tweek tomorrow. I also had to remember to act surprised about anything I saw today so Tweek wouldn’t know that I had come here with Craig.  
The voice of Token echoed in my head, annoyingly pointing out to me about how much trouble I was going through for this plan. I angrily shook my head to rid myself of it. Token usually knew what he was talking about, but he was wrong about this!  
“Let’s try and get seats near the front,” Craig said suddenly in my ear, nearly making me jump. “There will be less of people’s heads to block our view.”  
“Good idea,” I replied.  
We quickly made our way over to the snack bar and ordered food, then booked it towards the theater. I wanted to ask Craig about his fight with Tweek, to get a gauge of just how bad their break up was, but it was kind of hard to do when watching a movie together. I figured I’d let them cool off before I brought up the subject, and I needed to make sure they wouldn’t snap at me when I finally did bring it up.  
Besides, Craig was way more interested in watching the movie than he was talking to me, and soon I could think of nothing else but the movie. It was amazing, to say the least. The ending made us both want more. We were super pumped.  
“That was amazing!” I said when we left the movie theater about two hours later. “I can’t believe how awesome that movie was!”  
“It was pretty cool,” Craig agreed in his most interested voice (which was only slightly different from his disinterested voice). “Thanks for inviting me along.”  
“Hey, what are friends for?” I replied. For some reason, I could have sworn that he had blushed just now, but then I told myself that I was just imagining things. Because this was definitely not a date.  
“You want to come to my house and play video games or something?” Craig asked suddenly as we started down the street. I hesitated. It wasn’t that I was against going to Craig’s house. He just didn’t realize how much I was avoiding my own place at the moment. I actually welcomed any excuse not to go home at the moment, but was there some sort of different motive for Craig inviting me to his house? No, of course not! Friends hung out all the time, and we had been friends since pre-school.  
“Sure,” I replied. “We could play Marvel vs Capcom!”  
“Haven’t you had enough Marvel for one day?” Craig asked, giving me a look.  
“No,” was all I replied with.  
He let out a sigh and led the way back towards his house. His home was empty when we got there, which was good, because Tricia liked to bug us by asking stupid questions even when she knew the answers to them. And if Tweek’s dad was devastated by the news of their break up, I didn’t want to know how Craig’s parents had taken it.  
We played Marvel vs Capcom for a while before getting bored of it and switching over to Call of Duty instead. Then Craig’s parents got home and made us come to dinner. We didn’t stop playing video games until around two in the morning, at which point Craig invited me to stay the night, which I was hoping for. I really didn’t want to go home at this point.  
The next day was a Saturday, so I was able to hang out at Craig’s house for just a bit longer. We ate breakfast, and then watched TV for a while. I knew I had to leave at some point, after all, I was supposed to meet up with Tweek, but I hadn’t really thought of a good excuse for leaving yet. Oh, the dilemma. Thankfully, Craig saved me.  
“Do you think your dad might be getting worried about you by now?” he asked me around noontime. I jumped and turned to him.  
“Um, yeah, probably,” I replied. “I should probably get going then. Don’t want him thinking I’ve been kidnapped, or something.” He would never think that, but it was all I got. “See ya later, Craig.”  
“Thanks for hanging out with me, Clyde,” he said earnestly, catching me off guard. He looked at me seriously. “With all the stuff I’ve been going through with Tweek, it’s nice to know that I still have you as a friend. I really mean it.” I blinked in surprise at him.  
“Th-Thanks, Craig,” I replied, rubbing the back of my head.  
I left wondering what the hell was up with Craig’s sudden mood swing, and why it seemed to bother me so much.

Tweek only seemed to be slightly interested in the movie when I went to meet him. For some reason, he had a hard time looking me in the eye while we walked towards the movie theatre, and he was twitching harder than usual.  
“Have you seen the other Avenger movies yet?” I asked, trying to make conversation. He twitched before replying.  
“I’ve seen the first one,” he replied. “When it first came to theatres, Craig insisted on taking me with him. I liked it, but we just never got around to seeing the second one together.” He let out a sigh. “And now we never will see it together.”  
“I’m sure you’ll make up some day,” I told him, putting a hand on his shoulder. He angrily shrugged it off.  
“That’s not going to happen,” he growled. “Craig’s an asshole! I’ll never forgive him, and he’s never going to stop being unreasonable.” I blinked in surprise at him.  
“Don’t you miss him even a little bit?” I reasoned.  
“Just drop it, Clyde,” Tweek snarled. From the tone in his voice, I was more than happy to just let it go. For now, at least.  
“Whatever,” I said instead. “Let’s just focus on the movie. All you need to know is that there are a bunch of new characters, and they all had their own movies. Except Vision and Scarlet Witch. They were in the second movie. And some of the Avengers are fighting because of some sort of bullshit.”  
“Ok,” Tweek replied, perfectly cheerful again.  
The theatre was far less crowded than it was the day before, but still relatively filled with people. Tweek started twitching even more than he normally did because of the crowds, and I put a protective arm around him. Almost immediately, I could feel his breathing start to quicken, but he stopped panicking.  
Tweek was a lot more emotional during the movie than Craig was. Craig had just looked faintly amused through the entire movie. Tweek cried at all the sad parts, and cheered at the exciting parts and all around being quite adorable.  
“I have no idea what was happening most of the time,” Tweek said as we exited roughly two hours later. “But I still enjoyed it anyway.”  
“Yeah, I could tell,” I laughed at his excitement. We talked about the movie all the way on our walk towards Tweak Bros Coffee. Since I had seen the movie twice now, I explained any parts he didn’t understand under the guise of having seen all of the other Marvel movies.  
“Thanks for inviting me to the movies with you,” Tweek said when we reached the coffee shop. “I’m sure you would have rather gone with Craig, so I’m glad you went with me.”  
“No problem,” I replied. “I’m sure you would have done the same for me.” There was no mistaking it. Tweek definitely blushed that time. I had no idea why.  
“Um, I should probably go then,” he mumbled. “My parents will probably want me to help them with the shop. I don’t like to do it, but you know. See you later.” Then he turned and disappeared into his parent’s shop before I could reply.  
I stared after him with a hint of fear. I didn’t want to go home. Not yet. I hadn’t been home for almost two days, and when I thought about how my dad would react, I shuddered just thinking about it. But I had to face the music sometime.  
I pulled out my phone and texted my sister. Maybe there was a chance that no one would be home and I could just pretend I had been there the entire time. Thankfully, she texted me back shortly after, stating that she was home, but dad wasn’t. He hadn’t been home since the night before. Perfect. I put my phone back in my pocket and hurried home, wondering when this nightmare would finally end. Because I had a feeling there was something Tweek and Craig weren’t telling me, and whatever it was, it was the key to bringing them back together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this chapter is rather short, considering how long it took me to write it, but I’ve been super busy and I didn’t have a lot of ideas for this chapter. Plus, I have a lot on my mind and plate at the moment. I’m not stopping any of my fan fictions, I’m just saying you’ll have to wait a while in between chapters.  
> Anyway, the next chapter we’ll be getting someone else’s point of view. You want to guess who it is? I’ll give you a hint: it’s Token. What’s up with Tweek and Craig? Why are they acting so weird? Find out next time on South Park Z, a Cold Day in Hell!

**Author's Note:**

> I’m just going to end this chapter right there because otherwise I’m going to just start rambling. Next chapter, Clyde and Tweek are going to go break Tweek’s parents’ hearts, so that will be fun.  
> So, tell me what you think so far! This is going to be the first South Park fan fiction where the main character isn’t Kyle, so this should be interesting. He’s still going to be in it as a sort of major character (because he’s my favorite character), but it’s just going to be focused on Clyde’s stupidity and the hilarity that ensues. I’m probably going to be drawing a lot of inspiration from one of my favorite other shows, Jeeves and Wooster. That will be fun.


End file.
